It’s no accident that I ended up as a professional speaker. It seems I spent most of my youth hearing people tell me to stop talking. It wasn’t until much later in my life that I realized there is a real difference between talking and communicating. The Colonel said, “Stop just talking, kiddo. Communicating is not about just speaking what we think. Look, you’ll know you’ve communicated well when others hear what you mean.” Really communicating means that others hear the message behind the words; it compels others to internalize or act upon what you have said.
Like many high school students, I read Robert A. Heinlein’s book Stranger in a Strange Land. I was intrigued by many of the concepts put forth by the character Valentine Michael Smith, a human who is rescued after being stranded on Mars for twenty-five years, during which time Martians raised him. Having no previous exposure to Earthly habits and culture, he brings seemingly eccentric ideas about religion, human eroticism, the afterlife, and communication.
As a teenager desperate to be understood, I was especially affected by the concept originally coined by Heinlein in the book: “grokking.” To grok means to understand so fully, so intuitively, that empathy happens automatically. It is a complete grasping of all nuances of the message and what was intended in the communication. In the book, as in life, this is not something that happens quickly or easily. It must be cultivated and worked upon by two people continuously.
As leaders (while we may not achieve it), we should always endeavor to communicate in such a manner that our team “groks.” We should strive for an empathy bond such that, even when we word things poorly, our team can hear the message behind the words and hear what we truly mean.
Read Lauren’s Whitepaper on The Nine Essentials of Significant Leadership.