Because I am inherently a people person (okay, guilty, I’m a people pleaser) – I have spent a good portion of my life and energy making sure people like me. Sometimes, in my younger years, this involved being agreeable and telling people what I knew they wanted to hear—even if it was not completely the truth, or even if it was a lie. I mean, I never meant to lie, really – I just wanted to make people happy.
The Colonel said, “Trust is built on telling the truth, not telling people what they want to hear.”
It wasn’t until the middle of my treatment for bulimia that I realized the truth is an uncompromising constant. It doesn’t change based on what people want to hear. It just is.
Every time you tell a lie, you have to remember what you told to whom. Eventually, that becomes unmanageable. Even “little bitty white lies” (like, “Oh, I’d love to, but I have plans”) should not become a habit; they build a tenuous platform of glass that can easily crack if pushed on too aggressively.
Don’t say you’d love to if you wouldn’t—and if you say you have plans, you’d better have plans. Because even if you make plans after the fact, when it came out of your mouth it was a lie, and that compromises the fabric of your integrity.
The challenging trick of leadership is finding a way to tell the truth in a manner that is easily digestible to the listener. Doing that is very different, however, than telling them what they want to hear. Sometimes the truth can be hard—but it should not be harsh.
Significant leadership requires finding a way to communicate hard truths without making the listener feel attacked, discounted or demeaned. That requires skill and practice – but it’s crucial, because building a reputation as one who always tells the truth, even hard truths, without being harsh, will build trust in you, and among your team.
Read Lauren’s Whitepaper on The Nine Essentials of Significant Leadership.