The Colonel said, “You can’t antagonize and influence at the same time, kid. One will always undercut the other.”
It is normal and natural to be influenced by people you like, and it is possible to be influenced by those who you revere or admire but don’t necessarily have an affection for. It is nearly impossible, however, to be influenced in any positive manner by someone who is antagonistic toward you.
On stage, I often tell the story of a sales manager at the van line who invited me into his office to share a seven-page list of everything I do (did) that irritated him. “Lauren,” he said, “let me put this in terms so simple even you can understand.” He intended that I should change each irritant immediately if I wanted to keep my position. I learned a great deal that day, but it was not from the sales manager. I went home from that meeting and did what any good Colonel’s daughter would do: I called Daddy to whine. The lessons I pulled from that day came from my father, not from the sales manager.
The Colonel encouraged me to rise above those petty, dismissive comments. He challenged me to improve my communication with the sales manager and to make sure my backside was always covered. He encouraged me to double my efforts to support the sales staff and make them look good so they could shine even under the thumb of a poor manager. And he challenged me to do my job to the best of my ability so I could be transferred to a different department more quickly.
There are a plethora of examples in sports, entertainment, and politics of people who choose to antagonize or denigrate their rivals, or even their supporters. Inevitably, they will lose those supporters and be bested by their opponents. Choose to emulate those who build people up, not tear them down. If you want to be in a position of influence and help guide people’s thinking or policy, the route to doing so is never to be abusive, antagonizing, or dismissive. The only path to positively influencing people is compassion, empathy, and empowerment.
Read Lauren’s Whitepaper on The Nine Essentials of Significant Leadership.